“Flash Draft” Essay Writing
Write an essay on teen activism that includes an introductory paragraph, a paragraph for each key point with evidence to support each point, and a closing paragraph. Use POW + TREE to structure your essay and paragraphs.
my writing is in the bottom
Teen activist change the world.Teen activist is teen who work very hard for other people.they are are normal kid but but they heart are special.teen activist want world to be better.they from different country different culture but one thing that all teen activist is the same is they want to help other people
Some teen activist not scared of dead.Iqbal he was a debt slave in carpet factory .He was treated like slave when he in carpet factory but when he escaped from the carpet factory in the age of 10 he went to England to make speech, to tell the truth and that make someone very angry after he england he went to america to do the same thing he became famous from speak out for child slavery most people thought the story would end like this but not for Iqbal he went back to where
he come from some student in america ask why he wanted to ga back even know he in danger
Iqbal said “I need to finish what I start” he wasn’t scared of being shot or kill.Sadly Iqbal got shot and died in front of his grandma house
Some teen activist continues the legacy.Craig kielburger is 12 years old when he read story of Iqbal that when he start the campaign Free The Children he work harder than any adult could do he travel to 5 or more country but for child slavery he go to some developing country to investigate what happened.his story became famous when he make speech that got donation over 150000 dollars ha kept working to stop child slavery who would though that 12 year old boy will do thing like this once he said free the children is more important than playing game
some work for other. Alex lin is 9 years old boy who read newyork time and known world has serious problem what did he do? he create group that helping and fixing electronic waste since we make up of 70 % toxic waste since he start he recycle more than 20000 pond of electronic but still there only 13.6% that been recycle what he do now? he won prize and make you feel bad for throwing your computer.
In conclusion I want to say that even activist do thing for other even though they don’t need to do that like iqbal who got kill because of standing for human right or craig kielburger who travel to developing country to stop child labor when he could relax and playing game.they are isn’t just a role model they are hero and surely will alway remember as teen activist
Organization
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Yes - Starting - No
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I wrote a beginning that introduces the topic.
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Starting
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I wrote a clear thesis statement.
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Starting - your thesis is the last or second last sentence in your introduction
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I wrote three supporting reasons that match my thesis statement.
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No
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I used transition words - (for example, for instance, however, on the other hand, in contrast to, this shows)
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Starting
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I wrote an ending that restates the main idea.
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Starting
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I have paragraphs with topic sentences.
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Starting
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Development
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I used clear evidence such as facts, quotes, stories and specific examples.
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Starting
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I explained my evidence to show how it matched my main point.
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No - You need to explain how the examples that you discussed show that teen activists change the world.
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I used specific vocabulary and precise words to develop my topic.
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Starting
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I used a formal tone and sound like an expert on my topic.
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Starting
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Language Conventions
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I use capitalization, quotation marks, and abbreviations appropriately.
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No
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I have checked my spelling.
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No
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I have used a variety of sentences.
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Starting
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I have used commas correctly.
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No
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I have used apostrophes in contractions and possessives correctly.
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Starting
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Net, your essay structure is starting to emerge and it is clear that you have researched a bit about the different activists. Keep up the effort!
MY strength is I use some of sentence that I feel like it very powerful
I can improved on organizing my paragraph and check the grammar and word
